INFOMIRCIAL!!!!
by D-Scythe
Summary: Fans of Heero's Goldfish rejoice! It's the utter abusement of an industry that so sorely deserves it! With cameo by MR. FISHY! MWA HA HA! ahem... please review


Okay, I don't own Gundam Wing, and this little ditty certainly won't have the writers banging down my door and begging for my help. *grin* Oh well!

Note: This is written a bit differently than I usually write…

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Italics for television clips

*star things represent action or emotion*

Announcer: *Looking off screen* The light's not on on the camera… Are we broadcasting yet?

Producer: *Off screen* Yes! We're live! Go!

Announcer: *Sweatdrop* eh heh heh… *big fake TV grin* Hello, and welcome to our program. Now, before you change the channel, listen to this! Our product will change your life! You've seen our products on Toonami, in TV guide, and on COPS: Tokyo edition! Not to mention users of our products have earned runner up positions for the Darwin awards five years in a row!

*takes a deep breath* 

"What is this marvelous product?" You ask. Well, just take a look at this!

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Wing Zero leaps high into the air and cuts a Leo in half. It then whips free one of its beam cannons and blows a Virago away.

Announcer: *Quickly hides a flask in his jacket* Pesky Leos ruining your dinner? Upstart organizations trying to takeover while your relaxing after a hard day? Crazy guys in red Gundams with stupid Vendettas trying to drop a colony on your back yard? Don't stand for it!

That's right! It's the new-and-improved!

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Wing ZERO!

It's got twice the Leo busting, Libra smashing, Big metal gate in the ground crushing power as your old Wing Gundam! Wouldn't you like to be first on your block to own this brand new Gundam?

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Clip of neighbor with an old looking Deathscythe going green with envy as Wing ZERO lands in front yard of a house.

Announcer: *Rather out of breath, not bothering to hide the flask this time* But don't take our word for it… Just listen to these testimonials!

And who better to ask than our guest Heero Yui! Come on out Heero!

Heero: *Walks out waving with a big fake grin and muttering under his breath* Kill my agent… Mission accepted… *coming to a stop and smiling even wider* Hi everybody!

Stupid Brain-dead Audience: Hi Heero!

Heero: *Under his breath again* Die agent die! *Louder* The Wing ZERO is great. I couldn't have won the war without it. I'll tell you, I thought the original Wing Gundam was nice, but it had nothing on this baby!

Announcer: Not enough to convince you? Well just take a look at this tape of the creator Dr. J.

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Dr. J, obviously quite drunk and holding a gun to his own head. "Whee! Pretty birdie! Wait where was I? Oh right. I've chosen to commit suicide because-" cuts to static.

Producer: Shit! Wrong clip, maybe this is it.

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A horrible monster appears on the screen and begins to sing. "I love you, You love me!"

Heero: *Pulls a gun out of nowhere and empties a clip into the monitor.

Producer, Announcer, Stupid Brain-dead Audience: *Huge Sweatdrop*

Heero: *The gun has mysteriously vanished again. Calmly* It needed to die.

Announcer: Okaaaaay… It looks like it's about time to meet our other happy buyers.

*The rest of the G-boys walk on waving and smiling except for Wufie who has been gagged, tied up with a belt, and dragged kicking onto the stage by his agent and his press secretary*

Announcer: What do you think of Wing Zero?

Duo: It's Ok, I like Deathscythe Hell much better.

Announcer: Stick to the script please…

Duo: You actually want me to say, "It slices, it dices and you can use the retro rockets as the world's largest barbecue?

Announcer: *Sweatdrop* heh heh heh, yeah… Moving on… Trowa! What do you think of Wing Zero?

Trowa: My best friend almost killed me when he used it for the first time, it resulted in me getting amnesia and getting into a big fight with my adoptive sister.

Announcer: Good God! Did any of you read the scripts?

Heero: I did. *Deathglare ate agent* He made me…

Quatre: I did!

Announcer: Great! And what did _you_ think of Wing Zero?

Quatre: I didn't like it! I went crazy the first time I used it and almost killed Trowa!

Announcer: *About to cry* I thought you said you read the script.

Quatre: I did, but it was a bunch of stupid lies, so I decided not to use it.

Announcer: *Very long pull on the flask, looking quite inebriated* And what about you, Wufie?

Wufie: Mfrgh! Mrmf mrph! *Agent pulls out the gag* -stupid Bakas! Just wait till I get my sword! I'll shove that contract so far up you- *Agent stuffs gag back in* mrmf mrrr!

Announcer: That's nice…

*Brightening because he realizes the time is almost up* So if you want to order a brand new Wing Zero, Order now! If you order within the next hour, we'll give you a helmet, an instruction manual, this book, _Lost cause: Overcoming the ZERO system_, and a goldfish that kind of looks like Mr. fishy.

Heero: *wavering voice* Mr. Fishy? He's back?

Announcer: But that's not all! Order within the next twenty minutes, and we'll throw in an extra beam sword, two gallons of hyper corrosive Gundanium polish, and this nifty "Gore 2000" key-chain!

But wait, there's more! Call within a second of my finishing this sentence and receive Heero Yui's protection/vigilante/contract killer service for a whole year!

Heero: The hell?

*Phone rings one second after announcer finishes sentence*

Announcer: I didn't think anyone could dial that fast.

*Releena grins and holds up a cell phone in the audience, Dorothy throws down her cell phone in disappointment and folds her arms in a huff*

Heero: Damnit Releena! We all ready have a Wing Zero and not enough room to park a second one! And I live with you anyway!

Announcer: *upends flask and holds for about a minute* Uh huh, that's great. Whatever. Goodnight everybody.

Agent: Good God! He's loose! *Picture of Wufie running amok with a sword he pulled out of nowhere and screaming "Injustice"*

Producer: *Weeping* cut!

Author note thing! Woo hoo! Review! Please…

In case you're wondering about the Mr. Fishy part; Read _Heero's Goldfish_

~caio~


End file.
